Sunday, December 29, 2013

The Twelve Step Program for Life

1. There will be some days when you close your eyes while crossing the street, maybe because you want to see what fate has in store for you, or maybe because your depression is running rampant again and you don’t know how to calm her. It’s okay. I will still love you.

2. There will be a year, or a series of years when your birthday doesn’t feel special. Celebrate anyway. Because people spent time baking you a cake and buying you cards and even if they’re your family and they’re obligated to, they still love you. Cherish that love. Revel in it. It is the best gift you will ever receive.

3. You will learn that the saddest word in the English language is stay. Whether it’s your mother’s voice whispering it before you leave for college, or your ex-lover’s desperate screams as you walk out of the house, it will always be a hard word to hear. Sometimes you should listen to it, other times you shouldn’t. Trust yourself. Go with your gut.

4. Along with hearing the word stay, you will also hear the word why from every person who is remotely related to you. Why did you get that tattoo? Why did you try to kill yourself? Why aren’t you married yet? You don’t have to answer them. Be selfish. Keep somethings to yourself.

5. Some nights you won’t be able to sleep. You will lie awake at 2 am and contemplate existentialism and wonder if the French had a point. Get up. Get out of your bed. Do something. Because even if there is no God, what you do matters, who you are matters. You matter to me.

6. Some days you will want to run away and never return. So go. Drive to a small town in the Northwest, maybe Oregon, and settle down there for a while. Tell people your name is Elizabeth, because you loved Jane Austen as a child and because this a town full of strangers and who’s to know the difference? Don’t be selfish. Call your mother each night and remind her that you love her. Come back home when you find yourself seeing your sadness painted in the shadows, and when you feel more at home in the arms of a stranger than on your own.

7. There will be several nights when you lose yourself in the medicine cabinet, because liquor and morphine seem like a faster cure than time. It’s okay. I will still love you in the morning.

8. One day, in the midst of work, you will learn to forgive. It will start out with a simple reminder of the past, maybe a facebook notification from an old schoolmate or a wedding announcement from an ex-lover. In that moment you will learn that yearning for the past isn’t romantic, it’s stupid, and that if Gatsby had just let go of the green light he would’ve lived. So forgive your past, it didn’t know any better, and move on.

9. Leaving home will hurt, but soon you will learn that home isn’t a place but a feeling, and that there is a compass on your heart that points directly to that feeling. Follow that compass. Don’t get sidetracked by boys who don’t care or alcohol that doesn’t forgive. If you follow that compass, no matter how lost you get, you will always have a home.

10. The hardest lesson you will ever learn will be to love yourself. But you can do it. There will always be days when you hate yourself, days when you wish you had never been born. But darling you are beautiful, and if Shakespeare had met you you would’ve inspired his 18th sonnet, and if Monet had known you he would’ve given up painting water lilies and chosen to paint you instead. I know it’s hard to love yourself, but sometimes it’s okay to be a little selfish with your love.

11. When you begin to feel worthless, remember that the stars died for you. You are made of elements that are thousands of years old, elements that make up every atom of your being. When you want to cut your wrists, remember that the souls of stars live in your veins. Don’t kill them. Don’t be selfish.

12. Some days will be beautiful. Live for those days. Live for the days when the sun shines on your soul and the smile on your face isn’t forced. Live for the days when you don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks because your scars are a part of your story and you don’t need someone else’s approval to wear them with pride.

Live for the life you always wanted but were too scared to pursue.

Live for you. Live for me. Live for every person who has ever loved you, for the people who have come before you so that you may be here today.

Live for the fire that burns in your soul, that tells you: keep going, you’re almost there, just a little farther. Because when Rome burned down the emperor didn’t run away, he stayed and he sang for his people. Stay. Sing for your people. Sing for us.

Are you listening? Because this is your life, singing a siren song to capture your attention and steer away from the rocks, to guide you back home.

iAmHappy

I am happy.

And it's just an understatement. Deep inside there is something, a small piece of me,  that I am happy. I was tested by time, and chances. I was tested by my alter ego. I had gone through difficult time. But thankfully, I can say that I'm over it, and I am now happy.


So happy, that I can't ask for more. I can smile, I can sing a song, I can be who I am. I'm happy even if I don't have someone this holidays. I think it's the best gift of all. And that makes me happy.

Thank you Lord, for the gift of happiness. I love you.

Saturday, December 07, 2013

unwell

it's been awhile since i had my last post. but until now, i am almost well, but not fully recovered. hope one of this days, i can put some of my adventures lately. till then and so long...


i miss you.

Thursday, October 03, 2013

Broken

It was one of those moments where you have all the smiles cause you have all the reasons to, but in a turn of events a revelation came and all the happy feelings were gone because you can't accept and not prepared what is coming...


It happened to me. My friend and I were happy talking about what happened to our lives, our experiences that is out of the world. When suddenly he revealed that the man i "desire" slept with someone else, and the she's spreading it to whoever she meets. I was devastated, disappointed, and hurt. At first I didn't believe the story, even if it's coming from a reliable friend. But even he confirmed it. I was so down, I didn't see this coming. I mean he is everything to  me, and I give him almost everything of me, and this is what I got?

My friend said to understand, he has his needs, something I can't give. Bitter. Pathetic. True. Whatever the adjective is, it won't change the facts. And I really dont know what I will do at this moment.

Ayoko na. Pero sabi ng puso ko, I should forgive him... Ano ba ito? Gosh, nalilito na ako. Maka-shot nga....

Monday, September 30, 2013

18-18-1

i hate you,

adiksayo_1818...

but can i let you go?

:'(

eklips






















habang tinatakluban ng anino ng bagong buwan
ang sikat at liwanag ng musmos na umaga
mistulang lumuluha sa tuwa ang mga diyosa’t diwata
yumayakap sa hangin ang tamis ng pag-ibig
tunog ng daang-libong tibok ng pusong nahuhulog mula sa langit
larawan ang buong mundo ng hinahon at payapa
at parang huminto ang oras nang mahigit pa sa kisapmata
hindi ipagpapalit at wala nang babaguhin
bukod sa hiwaga ng sandaling ito’y ikaw sana ay kapiling.

hango kay toiluna

Katotohanan


Nais kong magsusulat ng katotohanan ngunit di ko magawa. Sa tuwing susubukan, hindi ko masisimulan. Dahil magsisimula na namang hiwain ang aking dibdib. At wala na akong magawa kundi humagulgol sa iyak.

Totoo naman ang sinasabi nila. Ang katotohanan ay magbigay sa iyo ng katatagan. Ito ay magpapalaya sa iyo sa mga bagay na hindi ka mapakali. Sinubukan kong paniwalaan iyon. Sinubukan kong harapin at tanungin siya, hihingin ang katotohanan. Hindi ako nabigo, sinabi siya sa akin. Ang hindi ko maintindihan, bakit parang may kung anong sakit sa aking dibdib. Akala ko ba mapapalaya ako, akala ko mawawala ang hinala ko. Pero bakit naging malubha ang aking kalagayan. Sumasakit ang aking dibdib, mas lalo akong hindi mapakali, hindi makatulog. Sa bawat araw na lang, bawat oras, bawat minuto at segundo, ang katotohanan ang laman sa aking isip. Kasama na doon ang mga tanong. Bakit niya nagawa iyon? Paano niya ginawa sa akin ito? Bakit pinili niya akong saktan?

Nakakainis naman, ganoon ba talaga iyon. May mga bagay na gusto mong tanungin, mga katanungang gusto mong magkaroon ng sagot. Ngunit ng makukuha mo na ang mga sagot, hindi mo pala kayang matanggap ito. Lalong - lalo na pag ito ay totoo.

Kailan kaya maghilom ang mga sugat na ito. Kailan kaya ako maka-ahun sa sakit na dulot ng katotohanan. Lahat nawala na sa akin. Ako'y walang-wala na. Paet at kirot ang nasa akin ngayon.

Kailan ko ba isusulat ang katotohan? Siguro pagdating ng panahon na handa ko nang harapin ito. :'(

Sunday, September 29, 2013

We Got It All

With the recent victory of Miss Megan Lynne Young in Miss World 2013 beauty pageant, the Philippines is now considered as the powerhouse of beauties having captured almost all the major international beauty pageant title. 

In 1964, Gemma Teresa "Mimi" Guerrero Cruz, the Filipina who represented our country to Miss International 1964 earned the very first major title of the Philippines. She was crowned at the Long Beach, California, USA on August 14, 1964. She bested 39 beauties from around the world. Her runners - up were Miss USA, Miss Brazil, Miss England and Miss Finland. She donated the money she won as Miss International to Manila Boys Town and Girls Home. 

 Miss Cruz after winning as Miss Philippines giving her the 
right to represent our country to Miss International 1964

Miss Gemma Cruz as Miss International 1964


After 18 years of competing, we earned our first Miss Universe title, and our second international title through the witty and beautiful Miss Gloria Maria Aspillera Diaz. She was crowned as Miss Universe 1969 in Miami Beach, Florida, USA besting 60 candidates from different parts of the Universe. Her runners - up include Miss Finland, Miss Australia, Miss Israel and Miss Japan. After her reign she joined the showbiz entertainment in the Philippines.

Miss Gloria Diaz after winning the Miss Universe 1969 title


Crowning moment of Miss Universe 1969


A year after Diaz crowned, another Filipina brought an honor to our country. Miss Aurora McKinney Pijuan was crowned Miss International 1970 in Osaka, Japan on May 16, 1970. A product of Bb. Pilipinas pageant, Pijuan earned the second Miss International crown and the third international pageant crown for the Philippines. She vested 47 beauties from around the world. Her runners - up were Miss Argentina, Miss Australia, Miss Japan and Miss New Zealand. She continued her charitable projects after her reign as Miss International. She is an active member of Gawad Kalinga movement here in the Philippines.

Miss Aurora Pijuan and her runners-up


Pijuan, still beautiful until today.


Besting 60 universal beauties, Maria Margarita "Margie" Roxas Moran, grabbed the second Miss Universe title for the Philippines when she was crowned as Miss Universe 1973. Margie was the fourth Filipina to win an international title. She was crowned in Athens, Greece on July 21, 1973. Her runners - up were Miss USA, Miss Norway, Miss Spain and Miss Israel. She was also awarded as Miss Photogenic. She became a businesswoman after she reigned as Miss Universe 1973. 

Miss Margie Moran in Miss Universe 1973


Miss Margie Moran with her runners-up


Three months after Moran was crowned, Miss Evangeline Pascual almost bagged the first Miss World 1973 crown. She lost the title to Miss USA, Marjorie Wallace.  The Miss World organization had fired Wallace in March, 1974, for "failing to complete the basic requirements of the job". She was never officially replaced by any of her runners-up since Evangeline Pascual refused to take over.

Miss World 1973 winners


1974 made the Filipino pageant fans grew wilder as the Miss Universe 1974 took place in Manila Philippines. Miss Spain, Amparo Muñoz was crowned Miss Universe 1974 in Folks Art Theater, Manila, Philippines on the early morning of July 21, 1974. Miss Philippines, Guadalupe Sanchez finished as one of the Top 12 finalist.

Miss Universe 1974, Amparo Muñoz


Miss Universe 1974 and her court


Miss Universe 1974 top 12 finalist


Miss Universe 1974 candidates wearing the Filipino terno

The Philippines were consistently placed as semi-finalist or runner-up in the succeeding, but never won again, until in 1979, the beautiful, "long-legged" Miss Mimilanie Laurel Marquez was crowned Miss International 1979 in Tokyo, Japan on November 12, 1979. Despite being 15 years old that time, she bested 42 international beauty from around the world. Trailing behind here were Misses USA, Austria, Finland and Japan. Marquez pursued a modeling career and joined the local show business. 

Miss International 1974, Melanie Marquez and her court 


Beauty like no other, Miss Melanie Marquez

It took 25 years for the Philippines to  get another international title again. Precious Lara Quigaman, is the fourth Filipina to capture a Miss International crown, and sixth over-all. She was crown as Miss International 2005 in Tokyo, Japan.  She bested 51 international beauties. Her runners - up were Misses Dominican Republic and Finland. After her reign, Quigaman proceeded to work as a model and an actress in the Philippines.



Miss Earth is a beauty pageant launched in the year 2001 that aims to select the best woman in the world to work in an environmental cause. But it was only in 2008 that a Filipina grabbed the title, in the person of Karla Paula Henry 


to be continued...










Megan Young is Miss World 2013





After 60 years of trying, Philippines has finally won a Miss World crown. And it's all because of the beautiful Megan Lynne Young.

The actress turned beauty queen has been crowned Miss World 2013 hours ago. I was very positive that Megan is what we need to compete in Miss World to win the most elusive title. Since she screened for Miss World Philippines in SM MOA, I already knew  that she will be Miss World, and I was not wrong. 

 Doing well during the Opening Number



Megan became an early favorite to win Miss World 2013 since she was crowned as Miss World - Philippines 2013. With her mix Filipino - American beauty, she is without a doubt a strong contender for the crown. Top international pageant sites, globalbeauties.com and missosology.org, put her on top of their favorite list. And she proved them that she's worthy for such recognition when she won the Top Model Special award, fourth in Multimedia and fifth in Beach Fashion. With that, she instantly climbed on top of the Miss World scoreboard, making her number on among the top ten.




The Dances of the World is a special segment of Miss World that show cases the beautiful cultures of the world. Megan was chosen to present her dance, the Singkil dance from Mindanao. Megan was so beautiful while she was doing her routine.

 The beautiful Megan doing the Sinkil dance.


After the judges were introduced, the top twenty were revealed based on their scores from the different contests the top ten were announced and they are, Ghana - #10, Jamaica - #9, Spain - #8, Indonesia - #7, England - #6, Nepal - #5, France - #4, Australia - #3, Brazil - #2, and Philippines - #1. The top ten were serenaded by an Indonesian symphony, while the judges scored them to select the top five.


 Brazil and Philippines were head-to-head competition during the top ten

The top five were announced after that, and in random order they are announced as follows: Miss France Marine Lorphelin, Miss Philippines - Megan Lynne Young, Miss Ghana - Naa Okailey Shooter, Miss Brazil - Sancler Frantz, and Miss Spain - Elena Ibarbia. Joining them is the People's Choice, Miss Gibraltar - Maroua Kharbouch. 

After the announcement, the top winners of the Talent round were presented. Then the final interview took place. The semifinalists videos were shown first before they give a speech on why they should be Miss World. Here are their replies:

Miss France: "It will be an honour to become Miss World because it’s a very prestigious title" 

Miss Philippines: "I treasure a core value of humanity and that guides people why they act the way they do. I will use this to show other people how they can understand each other. ... as one, we can help society."

Miss Ghana: "I believe Miss World should be a woman of substance, who is compassionate, if given once in a life time opportunity, I would influence life of young women and make difference to the life of the less privileged."

Miss Brazil: "Miss World is a reflection of a value of a woman. Beauty with a purpose with miss world I would be able to help many people. And i believe beauty opens doors and beauty with a purpose opens minds and hearts."

Miss Spain: "I would like to say to those people in need that I would give my energy and passion to make their life more easier and happier."

Miss Gibraltar: "I believe i should be the net miss world i want to genuinely help people in the world. Beauty from within and kindness that changes people’s lives and kindness in something that a deaf can hear and the blind can see."

Miss World 2012 Wenxia Yu of China took her final walk. She was joined by Miss Australia and Miss Indonesia after that to fulfill her dream, and that is to perform and opera.
The winners were then announced by the Miss World Organizer, Julia Morley, and they are:

2nd Princess is Miss Ghana.

1st Princess is Miss France.

And the new Miss World is Miss Philippines, Megan Lynne Young.









MW 2013, Megan Young final message:
 "I would just be myself in everything that I do, to share what I know and to educate people on what they can do to help is what i'll do. Salamat. Salamat talaga sa mga kababayan kong Pilipino"







Congratulations Megan Lynne Young. You made all the Filipinos proud.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Megan Lynne Young - Miss World - Philippines 2013



I am so excited for tomorrow, as the Miss World 2013 final night will take place. Miss Philippines, Miss Megan Lynn Young has a big chance of winning, now that she won the Top Model Special Award...

Since Day 1, Megan has been the favorites among the pageant lovers from any parts of the world, specially from her pageant fanatic country. She is uniquely beautiful, and despite of her petite figure, she always stand out. Besting 127 beauties in Top Model Special is already a feat, and an indicator that she is a top contender of the crown.



While in the local pageant, Megan grabbed 75% of the special and corporate awards, and of course the title and the right to represent the Philippines in Miss World. So when Miss World comes, it's not a surprise that she became one of the instant favorites.

Aside from the Top Model Award, she also placed 4th in Multimedia Special Award and 5th in Beach Fashion Special. Well, that's enough to excite come pageant night tomorrow... Good luck and Congratulations in Advance, Miss Megan Lynne Young, Miss World 2013.


Monday, September 02, 2013

Keep Going



No matter what you do, no matter how many times you screw up and think to yourself “there’s no point to carry on”, no matter how many people tell you that you can’t do it - keep going. Don’t quit.

Don’t quit, because a month from now you will be that much closer to your goal that you are now. Yesterday you said tomorrow. Make today count.

Falling in Love to Valentine


I heard the song already, in recorded, and I'm in love with the song, the melody and the lyrics. But when I watched Olivia New John singing it beside Jim Brickman, it was completely a different experience. Even if I saw it on DVD, I felt I was in the live concert. Olivia sang it with all the emotions and  I feel every lyrics of the song, I was in tears, it made me long for someone that I can say, my Valentine.

You may heard of this one already, but I just post this to remind that this is significant to me. Hope you enjoy this one as I do...


If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And shown me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn't love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine


And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
'Cause all I need is you, my Valentine
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine





Sunday, September 01, 2013

Personality and Masks


"We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot 
remove them without removing some of our own skin"


Personality as such is false. The word "personality" has to be understood. It comes from persona; persona means mask. In ancient drama the actors used to wear masks. Those masks were called personae - personae because the sound was coming from behind the mask. Sona means sound. The masks were apparent to the audience and from behind the mask the sound was coming. From that word persona has come the word "personality."

All personality is false. Good personality, bad personality, the personality of a sinner and the personality of a saint - all are false. You can wear a beautiful mask or an ugly mask, it doesn't make a difference.

The real thing is your essence.

Personality is also a necessary part of growth. It is like if you catch hold of a fish in the sea and you throw it on the shore; the fish jumps back into the sea. Now for the first time it will know that it has always lived in the sea; for the first time it will know that, "The sea is my life." Up to now, before it was caught and thrown on the shore, it may not ever have thought of the sea at all; it may have been utterly oblivious of the sea. To know something, first you have to lose it.

To be aware of paradise, first you have to lose it. Unless it is lost and regained you will not understand the beauty of it.

osho

September


And it's the first day of the first month that ends with "-ber". September is here, and Christmas is near... 

Last year I got an early gift. I met and was able to know personally a very special guy. He's a tennis player, and i first saw him when he competed in a provincial meet. I didn't see him play coz I was busy giving support to my tennis players. But he caught my attention coz that time, I was given the idea that he is the player to beat. And when I saw him, I find him good looking. From there, I was hoping I will have the chance to get to know him more. After awhile, our head informed me that I will be their chaperon for the regional meet. And I was in awe, coz it means that I will be with him for the entire regional meet period.

True indeed, we had the chance to bond each other. Get to know each other. And everyday, I fell in love with him. He's such a charming guy, and from them on I prayed. I prayed I can have him with me. I took care of him everyday, trying to give him what he desires, to the best that I can. When it was over, I was sad, I thought it will also be the end of "us". But I was wrong. Our communication were there, we meet a day before christmas in Tanjay. Then we meet again in February, days before his birthday. And during Palaro in April, we met again. We even watched the movie, Iron Man. It was fun, and it was the moment that I was getting myself into him. And I know it will lead to heartache. Even if it's so hard, I started to avoid him. Not returning his calls, not replying his messages, ignoring him completely. Difficult is an understatement, because I had a hard time doing it. But I told myself, this is for me, protecting my heart. Day by day, I was able to do it. And there was a point that he gets tired sending me unreplied messages, calling me unanswered calls, so he stopped. And it was the end. I think he is just an extended 2012 story. But I had a great time. Some good things never last. He is good for me, but can never be mine. And that I'm sure. I miss him though.

Hopefully this year, I will have a more exciting christmas gift story. A story, that will last a lifetime. I know it's big, but who knows. Unexpected happens, and the only thing constant is change. Crossing my fingers!

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Don't Say You Love Me

Recently, this is the song I am singing...


I've seen this place a thousand times
I've felt this all before
And every time you call
I've waited there as though you might not call at all

I know this face I'm wearing now
I've seen this in my eyes
And though it feels so great, I'm still afraid
That you'll be leaving anytime

We've done this once and then you closed the door
Don't let me fall again for nothing more

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away

I've caught myself smiling alone
Just thinkin' of your voice
And dreamin' of your touch is all too much
You know I don't have any choice

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
(Make it real)
Yeah yeah yeah

We've done this once and then you closed the door
Don't let me fall again for nothing more


Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
(Make it real)

Say you love me
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
Take it all away, take it all away

Make it real or take it all away
(Make it real)
(Take it all away)
I'll take it all away


Thursday, August 29, 2013

Backseat


         Lately, I have been seating at the backseat every time I ride a motor cab.  It happens when the cab would stop away from me  and I have no choice but to climb at the back, or the front seats are already full. I kindda enjoy the ride and thankfully, just like the all the rides, I arrived in my destination safely. I was told that when you're in a cab the safest place is to seat at the back of the driver because when accident happens, there is a tendency that the driver would keep himself safe. I believe on that. 

         For the past few years, I have taken a backseat of my life in the limelight to work on things that really matters to me, and I have never been so happy and at home in my life. It is the best decision that I ever have, spending more time with my mom who is so dear to me, and of course my old folks from my beautiful hometown. Far from the chaotic urban life, sometimes I can feel the mere silence, but indeed there's no place like home.

          Everything has change. I am working as a teacher in our secondary school, and since I started they always trust me take care of the different cultural programs, specially our miss high school, to me. I am so happy for their confidence on me, specially that pageants are my frustrations in life, and being the event coordinator would mean a lot to me. So I give my all, and work on it with so much passion and dedication. And I'm the happiest whenever I see  the show as a success. It's like being crown also. 

         Working at the backstage, more like a backseat, is really a very fulfilling and rewarding job. And I could not ask for more. I am so happy. I am home.


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Puta


I hate you...

Wala kay ulaw, abi kay wala ka dire permi, mag dinalo ka. Butboton kang dako, sigeg deny kun unsay naa nimu. Mawala pa unta na.

I hate you...

Wala ko nimu tabangi dire. You acted like you know everything. Pero wala man lage kay insaktong gihatag. Imu ra gihatag kun unsa imu gikaon.

I hate  you...

Wala kay ayu, wala kay respetar naku. Mura kag kinsang maayuha. Wala pa gani ka nakab-ot. Dominante ka. Mura gyud ka ug bright. You were hanging by a thread.

I hate you...

Ug maayu ra unta ug mawala na ka. Kay wala man pud kay pulos. Wala kay ayu. 
I ran my hands through his legs. His skin was warm and inviting, asking for more. I stripped him of his shirt, felt the toughness of his chest. Our eyes met - his were brown, hungry. My stare went down as he wet his lips. Blood rushed to my head as lust drove in. In a second we were kissing, touching, like wolves craving for meat. The kiss was dizzying, my world was spinning uncontrollably as his tongue played swords with mine. Wet, wild, insatiable. 

I broke away and run my wet lips to his neck, licking, sucking as I go. He moaned and grabbed my hair, willing me to go lower. And I did. I traced my down to the contours of his check, nibbling gently at his nipples. I felt the pressure on my scalp as his grip tightened around my hair. I found my way to his navel and drowned it with my tongue. He let out a groan of pleasure and his fire bolted through me. I suddenly became aware of the wetness between my legs. 

He pushed my head lower, almost begging. I felt him, he was hard, excited, as blood rushed through his skin. He found my lips again as I started unzipping his pants. He cupped me as he kicked his trousers out of the way.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Delusion

      I grew up in a house where I was made to believe that Santa lives in North Pole. I grew up believing that if I jump during New Year, I will grow tall. I grew up knowing that when I wish upon a star, my dreams will come true. I grew up invincible. I grew up strong. Little things could shake me. I can face anything and everything.

      That was once upon a time. That was the time of fairytales. That was the time that I am still innocent about so many things…

        But then, one way or another, all of us will have to lose that innocence. And I’m one of those who lost mine too late and trying to cope with so much because I can’t seem to reconcile reality with fantasy.
Until now, I talk with imaginary friends, fight with imaginary enemies, and live in a make-believe world. I delude myself into believing that friends can be true or that love is always something that is given freely and unconditionally.

       But time and again, I wake up into reality and face the demons that haunt my every waking hour. I tell myself I can face it. I can be strong like in my secret world. That I can be who I want to be. However, reality is reality. I will never become wonder woman, Mother Theresa, Oprah, Queen Elizabeth, Cory, Imelda, Charlotte, Lolita, or any other heroine or villainess.


      There are so many things that make my knees shake uncontrollably. There are so many things that make me want to lose myself in my make believe world. Because in reality, I am nothing. I can never be.


Footprints on the Clouds



He calls me his serenity
and I call him my strength
and we are each
the one thing
the other needs the most
two lesser angels
each with one wing
missing
bound to the earth

both rich with reason,
with rhythm,
we never noticed
what was missing,
we weren’t looking
for completion,
except maybe
a little more peace
for him and
a little less fear
for me

a respite from voices
at night, after
he’s driven his demons
back behind
the wrought-iron fence
of his inner sanctum,
some silence with which
to clean his wounds

a greater courage
to flee the Purgatory
of inertia, with its
mute, stoic ghouls
that rob my decisions
and dog my footsteps
in broad daylight,
a firmer step when
I walk away from the vice
of too-bruised goodbyes

we’d look in the mirror
and we were alone
save for the one wing
that needed meaning

there was no gaping hole
to fill, only flaws
in our character to work on

caught up in our lives,
our lives brought us together
our lives are our message
to each other
and we are now called
by the names
of our better reflections
when,
joined at the soul,
we can finally take to the sky..


Closed



I’m letting go of all the things
that are beyond my reach
I’m setting free all the people
whose hearts were never mine
I’m walking away
from all the places I’ve never been
and only dreamed about.

It’s closing time.

Life has no reset option
and five hundred meters of correction tape
or even a click of the “delete account” button
will not undo anything I’ve done
but I have a dream of being obscure
I have a wish of retreating behind
the opacity of multitudes
so while there’s still a chance for me
so I will.

I’m closing shop.

Miss Silliman 2013




        Congratulations to the new Miss Silliman 2013 and her court. Miss Greenette Gael M. Tuazon from the college of Mass Communication was crowned as the new Miss Silliman 2013 by her predecessor, Lissa Duch, Miss Silliman 2012. Miss Iva D. Cabading from the College of Performing and Visual Arts is First Runner-Up, and Miss Lalaine K. Iligan from the College of Business Administration is Second Runner-Up. 



        The new Miss Silliman was crowned last August 23, 2013 in the Lamberto Macias Sports Complex. There were twelve beautiful Sillimanians who vied for the title. The other nine(9) candidates were Stephanie Dawn V. Barluado (Medical School), Hana Isobel C. Ferrer (College of Nursing), Laura L. Coosemans (Institute of Clinical Laboratory ScienceS), Natalie Dale A. Portugaleza (College of Education), Stephanie Jane C. Abila (Institute of Rehabilitative Sciences), Krizza Mae Batulan (School of Public Affairs and Governance), Maria Fatima Saudia D. Alsowyed (College of Arts and Sciences), May Rachel J. Uy (College of Law).



            Happy 112th Founder's Day Silliman University, my alma mater.


- photos courtesy of su.edu.ph and Denniz Futalan

Saturday, August 24, 2013

DLANHS 45th Founder's Day



        August is the busiest for me because it is the month that we celebrate the Founder's Day of Demetrio L. Alviola National High School, my alma mater and the school where I am working right now. Just like the Founder's Day for the past three years, I am part of the working committee. But the big difference is that this year, I was appointed as the Over-all Chairman of the said activity since I was designated as the Cultural Coordinator of the school. It was very challenging in my part because for the previous years, I was only directing and managing the Miss DLANHS beauty pageant, but now, I am in-charged to everything. As in every single thing. The good thing about it, which I am very grateful of, is that most of the teachers cooperated, and is willing to help for such a big event. It was a big learning for me, it taught me to be humble, resilient, deal with a lot of different personalities. I have to say I have a lot to learn about, and I learned that a lifetime is not enough to everything in life.



          My Miss DLANHS 2013 took a higher road this year as it opened with the ladies in their colorful Festival Costume that depicts the nature. It was breathtaking and students went wild as they scream for their favorite candidate, their representative of course, to win the competition. It was epic and fresh to the stage of Miss DLANHS pageant. It was followed with a white collection that makes the ladies more classy and phenomenal. So love the segment, I decided that I will not cut the in the succeeding Miss DLANHS pageant. The talent competition showcases the ladies prowess talent and the gown competition brought elegance among them. I have never been proud for doing this thing like this before. And I'm so grateful for everything that turns things to success...