Delusion

      I grew up in a house where I was made to believe that Santa lives in North Pole. I grew up believing that if I jump during New Year, I will grow tall. I grew up knowing that when I wish upon a star, my dreams will come true. I grew up invincible. I grew up strong. Little things could shake me. I can face anything and everything.

      That was once upon a time. That was the time of fairytales. That was the time that I am still innocent about so many things…

        But then, one way or another, all of us will have to lose that innocence. And I’m one of those who lost mine too late and trying to cope with so much because I can’t seem to reconcile reality with fantasy.

Until now, I talk with imaginary friends, fight with imaginary enemies, and live in a make-believe world. I delude myself into believing that friends can be true or that love is always something that is given freely and unconditionally.

       But time and again, I wake up into reality and face the demons that haunt my every waking hour. I tell myself I can face it. I can be strong like in my secret world. That I can be who I want to be. However, reality is reality. I will never become wonder woman, Mother Theresa, Oprah, Queen Elizabeth, Cory, Imelda, Charlotte, Lolita, or any other heroine or villainess.

      There are so many things that make my knees shake uncontrollably. There are so many things that make me want to lose myself in my make believe world. Because in reality, I am nothing. I can never be.