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I fell in love with him but I knew I had to let him go.  I had to let go of what I had for him because one, he doesn’t feel the same way; two, his happiness isn’t with me; and three, I had to move on.

A couple of weeks back, I was made to choose between what I love right now and my future.  Of course, I chose my future.  Letting go of what I love best right now came alongside with letting go of the one person I love.  I had to let him know how I felt for him before I leave.  I owed that to him, at least, and I thought that he deserved to know.  And so I wrote him a letter telling him everything.  I told him that I wasn’t expecting anything in return…  that I just wanted him to know… and that my laying all my cards down on the table only meant one thing – that I was letting go.  He has read my letter and I haven’t heard anything from him since. 

A part of me wishes that I have let go and a part of me dreads the day when I will.  But in general, it doesn’t matter so much to me because giving him the letter (with a little token of our friendship) was closure enough for me. It’s crazy because I woke him up in the middle of the night just to give him the letter. And even though I fell in love with him all over again when I saw his smile after I woke him up, I knew that I was free from the chains that bound me to him or from the love that I felt for him.  I’m telling you, I slept a whole lot better that night. 

I laid all my cards on the table with that letter.  It’s a huge risk but it was worth taking.  I won’t be a hypocrite and say that I don’t love, or care for, him anymore because I still do but I know that I am ready to move on with my life.  I know I won’t be stuck with wishing for him to feel the same way for me.  I’m now ready to live my life a day at a time and I know that I’ll wake up one morning and be completely over him.  Even though people always say that the most painful love is the love that never was, I’m not hurting in any way because for me, it’s enough that he knows I love him.  I’m even thankful that our paths crossed and that I found strength in loving him the way I do.  I strongly disagree with the cliché that says that letting go of a person meant loving the person twice as much.  Letting go of him or of what I felt for him only meant that I was mature enough to accept what wasn’t mine to begin with.  It was accepting the fact that he would be happy without me and that I could go on living without him.  And as to end this essay, I will leave with you a text/quote I received a few days back…

“It’s hard to hold on to something that you know would never be yours in any way you think of.  You just have to learn to let go and face the fact that while some good things never last, some don’t even start.”