“Believe it or not, I do not want to indulge myself on love.”
Hah! Such strong statement there, eh?!
Of course, I have my own reasons why I have that statement in mind. As I may have written in one of my entries, I have my share of love stories in the past. And mine were not the “ideal” kind of relationships a simple girl would/could ever dream of. My stories are rather exceptional and are known only to people who are very close to me. So, if you have a crystal clear idea of what I am trying to say here, well then,close friends tayo!
For me, love is a not a game to be played. Love is and always will be a serious thing. Love is such a strong word. People would rarely hear me say those 3 divine words. And when I say them, it only means one thing… I am dead serious of what I feel.
Love entails a lot of things. Happiness. Companionship. Acceptance. Commitment. Responsibility. Sacrifice. It gives a person a sense of belongingness. It allows a person to do things unexpectedly and lets that person do things unselfishly. Love gives an unexplainable feeling of sensation.
Love has its drawbacks though. Pain. Hurt. Resentment. Heartache. Most of the time, it leaves a person devastated. Sometimes, it makes a person feel so low, wasted and so damn worthless. But these things actually make love more valuable and make a person stronger. Somehow, these drawbacks turn a person to be an expert on love and makes people understand love a little bit more… in a hard way though.
But how ever which way we think about it, love is such a wonderful thing.
Being involved with someone without love is such a useless feeling. Yes, I have tried this once some years back and it’s not a nice feeling. I only felt emptiness. It was just a waste of time… such a waste of my precious time! And I promised myself to never do that again… not in this lifetime. Anyhow, it’s also good to have experienced such thing. It further confirmed my thoughts and ideas on love.
I don’t want to indulge myself on love simply because I don’t want to play with my emotions. I don’t want to put my heart on the line. Yes, I’m no risk taker. I want to stay in my comfort zone. I want to keep myself intact first before I enter the complicated world called love. Because when I fall in love, I just don’t give my heart to certain person… I give my whole being. I give him my present and my future. I give him all of me.
Maybe, just maybe, I’m overly careful not to experience those negative things love brings. I’m too darn afraid to feel pain, suffering, resentment and heartbreak. But despite this I-really-don’t-want-to-indulge-myself-on-love mindset, my heart is in fact open for a new love… IT ALWAYS IS.
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