I miss you...
I wish i made a move when I still have that chance, but my fears were bigger than my guts... Now I'm missing you when you're finally gone, out of my reach...
Friday, April 03, 2015
Monday, September 01, 2014
September
It's September, the ninth month of the year. It simply indicates that the year is almost about to end.
This year is indeed another adventure to me. I had a condition that affected my physical health. I had kidney stones, my uric acid went high, and so is my blood sugar and cholesterol. After months of medications, thank God, I am well. Though my uric and blood sugar is still high, it's not that bad anymore. It's just a way to keep me grounded, and be more responsible and good steward of my health.
I learned a lot from it, and I'm grateful to God for the experience. And forever be grateful to Him coz He always take me to a new horizon.
Yes, I made new friends, and few enemies. It's because of the decision that I believe is best for everybody. They may misunderstood it, but in the long run, they will appreciate it. So I just lift my head high, and trust everything to the ONE who give me all this.
Guide me Oh Lord. Always and forever!
September, you'll be good to me.
This year is indeed another adventure to me. I had a condition that affected my physical health. I had kidney stones, my uric acid went high, and so is my blood sugar and cholesterol. After months of medications, thank God, I am well. Though my uric and blood sugar is still high, it's not that bad anymore. It's just a way to keep me grounded, and be more responsible and good steward of my health.
I learned a lot from it, and I'm grateful to God for the experience. And forever be grateful to Him coz He always take me to a new horizon.
Yes, I made new friends, and few enemies. It's because of the decision that I believe is best for everybody. They may misunderstood it, but in the long run, they will appreciate it. So I just lift my head high, and trust everything to the ONE who give me all this.
Guide me Oh Lord. Always and forever!
September, you'll be good to me.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
To Live or Not To Live
There was once a commercial on an instant coffee that carries a catch-phrase "Kanino ka ba gigising?" It was catchy and apt for the product because it tries to set the mindset of its target market to make their product part of their daily morning routine.
The catch-phrase, question rather, simply asked who are you inspiration that motivates you to live the day. Who will make you smile every time you open your eyes in the morning. For awhile, I have been searching for that very person who will motivate me to wake up, and live my day. I did every thing, at least to what I know, to find him. But I end up disappointed. No one can live to my expectation. They say that when you love someone, you just love, without expectation. And I believe that, embrace it to be precise. Though it worked for awhile, but I never felt a sense of fulfillment. Coz I'm human, and when I do things, I expect something, or else I will not be fulfilled. I am not selfish. I have to be true to myself. Why would I keep on pushing myself to someone who can never give me the love that I need. So I moved on, and keep on looking for someone who can give me what I need. Until I get tired.
I realized then that if I keep chasing on love, I lose track of other things. Things that matters as well. So I pay attention to them, forget about love and do what I must do. After doing it for quite sometime already, I experience fulfillment, an inner satisfaction. And I'm the happiest. So now, I don't care if I have someone special or not. I live my life, I choose to live my life. But it doesn't mean that I'm closing doors. I believe that love comes on perfect time and perfect person. I just keep on trusting God.
So "Kanino ako gigising?" Everyday I wake up and get inspired with the people around me, who love more than anything else in this world. My mom, my relatives and my friends. :-)
The catch-phrase, question rather, simply asked who are you inspiration that motivates you to live the day. Who will make you smile every time you open your eyes in the morning. For awhile, I have been searching for that very person who will motivate me to wake up, and live my day. I did every thing, at least to what I know, to find him. But I end up disappointed. No one can live to my expectation. They say that when you love someone, you just love, without expectation. And I believe that, embrace it to be precise. Though it worked for awhile, but I never felt a sense of fulfillment. Coz I'm human, and when I do things, I expect something, or else I will not be fulfilled. I am not selfish. I have to be true to myself. Why would I keep on pushing myself to someone who can never give me the love that I need. So I moved on, and keep on looking for someone who can give me what I need. Until I get tired.
I realized then that if I keep chasing on love, I lose track of other things. Things that matters as well. So I pay attention to them, forget about love and do what I must do. After doing it for quite sometime already, I experience fulfillment, an inner satisfaction. And I'm the happiest. So now, I don't care if I have someone special or not. I live my life, I choose to live my life. But it doesn't mean that I'm closing doors. I believe that love comes on perfect time and perfect person. I just keep on trusting God.
So "Kanino ako gigising?" Everyday I wake up and get inspired with the people around me, who love more than anything else in this world. My mom, my relatives and my friends. :-)
Thursday, February 06, 2014
Special
They say,
When I met you, it was just like an ordinary day.
You were an ordinary person to me.
And so I was, I guess, to you.
You were minding your own business, and I was with mine.
But as the days go by, I realized
That you made me smile,
That you made me feel special,
That you made my heart skipped,
And you made me turned around, 360 degrees.
Amazing, isn't it?
"Sometimes you meet people along the way
that made you smile.
Sometimes you meet people along the road
that made you special.
Sometimes you meet people along the pathway
that made your heart skipped.
Sometimes you meet people along the highway
that made you turn around."
When I met you, it was just like an ordinary day.
You were an ordinary person to me.
And so I was, I guess, to you.
You were minding your own business, and I was with mine.
But as the days go by, I realized
That you made me smile,
That you made me feel special,
That you made my heart skipped,
And you made me turned around, 360 degrees.
Amazing, isn't it?
Sunday, December 29, 2013
The Twelve Step Program for Life
1. There will be some days when you close your eyes while crossing the street, maybe because you want to see what fate has in store for you, or maybe because your depression is running rampant again and you don’t know how to calm her. It’s okay. I will still love you.
2. There will be a year, or a series of years when your birthday doesn’t feel special. Celebrate anyway. Because people spent time baking you a cake and buying you cards and even if they’re your family and they’re obligated to, they still love you. Cherish that love. Revel in it. It is the best gift you will ever receive.
3. You will learn that the saddest word in the English language is stay. Whether it’s your mother’s voice whispering it before you leave for college, or your ex-lover’s desperate screams as you walk out of the house, it will always be a hard word to hear. Sometimes you should listen to it, other times you shouldn’t. Trust yourself. Go with your gut.
4. Along with hearing the word stay, you will also hear the word why from every person who is remotely related to you. Why did you get that tattoo? Why did you try to kill yourself? Why aren’t you married yet? You don’t have to answer them. Be selfish. Keep somethings to yourself.
5. Some nights you won’t be able to sleep. You will lie awake at 2 am and contemplate existentialism and wonder if the French had a point. Get up. Get out of your bed. Do something. Because even if there is no God, what you do matters, who you are matters. You matter to me.
6. Some days you will want to run away and never return. So go. Drive to a small town in the Northwest, maybe Oregon, and settle down there for a while. Tell people your name is Elizabeth, because you loved Jane Austen as a child and because this a town full of strangers and who’s to know the difference? Don’t be selfish. Call your mother each night and remind her that you love her. Come back home when you find yourself seeing your sadness painted in the shadows, and when you feel more at home in the arms of a stranger than on your own.
7. There will be several nights when you lose yourself in the medicine cabinet, because liquor and morphine seem like a faster cure than time. It’s okay. I will still love you in the morning.
8. One day, in the midst of work, you will learn to forgive. It will start out with a simple reminder of the past, maybe a facebook notification from an old schoolmate or a wedding announcement from an ex-lover. In that moment you will learn that yearning for the past isn’t romantic, it’s stupid, and that if Gatsby had just let go of the green light he would’ve lived. So forgive your past, it didn’t know any better, and move on.
9. Leaving home will hurt, but soon you will learn that home isn’t a place but a feeling, and that there is a compass on your heart that points directly to that feeling. Follow that compass. Don’t get sidetracked by boys who don’t care or alcohol that doesn’t forgive. If you follow that compass, no matter how lost you get, you will always have a home.
10. The hardest lesson you will ever learn will be to love yourself. But you can do it. There will always be days when you hate yourself, days when you wish you had never been born. But darling you are beautiful, and if Shakespeare had met you you would’ve inspired his 18th sonnet, and if Monet had known you he would’ve given up painting water lilies and chosen to paint you instead. I know it’s hard to love yourself, but sometimes it’s okay to be a little selfish with your love.
11. When you begin to feel worthless, remember that the stars died for you. You are made of elements that are thousands of years old, elements that make up every atom of your being. When you want to cut your wrists, remember that the souls of stars live in your veins. Don’t kill them. Don’t be selfish.
12. Some days will be beautiful. Live for those days. Live for the days when the sun shines on your soul and the smile on your face isn’t forced. Live for the days when you don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks because your scars are a part of your story and you don’t need someone else’s approval to wear them with pride.
Live for the life you always wanted but were too scared to pursue.
Live for you. Live for me. Live for every person who has ever loved you, for the people who have come before you so that you may be here today.
Live for the fire that burns in your soul, that tells you: keep going, you’re almost there, just a little farther. Because when Rome burned down the emperor didn’t run away, he stayed and he sang for his people. Stay. Sing for your people. Sing for us.
Are you listening? Because this is your life, singing a siren song to capture your attention and steer away from the rocks, to guide you back home.
2. There will be a year, or a series of years when your birthday doesn’t feel special. Celebrate anyway. Because people spent time baking you a cake and buying you cards and even if they’re your family and they’re obligated to, they still love you. Cherish that love. Revel in it. It is the best gift you will ever receive.
3. You will learn that the saddest word in the English language is stay. Whether it’s your mother’s voice whispering it before you leave for college, or your ex-lover’s desperate screams as you walk out of the house, it will always be a hard word to hear. Sometimes you should listen to it, other times you shouldn’t. Trust yourself. Go with your gut.
4. Along with hearing the word stay, you will also hear the word why from every person who is remotely related to you. Why did you get that tattoo? Why did you try to kill yourself? Why aren’t you married yet? You don’t have to answer them. Be selfish. Keep somethings to yourself.
5. Some nights you won’t be able to sleep. You will lie awake at 2 am and contemplate existentialism and wonder if the French had a point. Get up. Get out of your bed. Do something. Because even if there is no God, what you do matters, who you are matters. You matter to me.
6. Some days you will want to run away and never return. So go. Drive to a small town in the Northwest, maybe Oregon, and settle down there for a while. Tell people your name is Elizabeth, because you loved Jane Austen as a child and because this a town full of strangers and who’s to know the difference? Don’t be selfish. Call your mother each night and remind her that you love her. Come back home when you find yourself seeing your sadness painted in the shadows, and when you feel more at home in the arms of a stranger than on your own.
7. There will be several nights when you lose yourself in the medicine cabinet, because liquor and morphine seem like a faster cure than time. It’s okay. I will still love you in the morning.
8. One day, in the midst of work, you will learn to forgive. It will start out with a simple reminder of the past, maybe a facebook notification from an old schoolmate or a wedding announcement from an ex-lover. In that moment you will learn that yearning for the past isn’t romantic, it’s stupid, and that if Gatsby had just let go of the green light he would’ve lived. So forgive your past, it didn’t know any better, and move on.
9. Leaving home will hurt, but soon you will learn that home isn’t a place but a feeling, and that there is a compass on your heart that points directly to that feeling. Follow that compass. Don’t get sidetracked by boys who don’t care or alcohol that doesn’t forgive. If you follow that compass, no matter how lost you get, you will always have a home.
10. The hardest lesson you will ever learn will be to love yourself. But you can do it. There will always be days when you hate yourself, days when you wish you had never been born. But darling you are beautiful, and if Shakespeare had met you you would’ve inspired his 18th sonnet, and if Monet had known you he would’ve given up painting water lilies and chosen to paint you instead. I know it’s hard to love yourself, but sometimes it’s okay to be a little selfish with your love.
11. When you begin to feel worthless, remember that the stars died for you. You are made of elements that are thousands of years old, elements that make up every atom of your being. When you want to cut your wrists, remember that the souls of stars live in your veins. Don’t kill them. Don’t be selfish.
12. Some days will be beautiful. Live for those days. Live for the days when the sun shines on your soul and the smile on your face isn’t forced. Live for the days when you don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks because your scars are a part of your story and you don’t need someone else’s approval to wear them with pride.
Live for the life you always wanted but were too scared to pursue.
Live for you. Live for me. Live for every person who has ever loved you, for the people who have come before you so that you may be here today.
Live for the fire that burns in your soul, that tells you: keep going, you’re almost there, just a little farther. Because when Rome burned down the emperor didn’t run away, he stayed and he sang for his people. Stay. Sing for your people. Sing for us.
Are you listening? Because this is your life, singing a siren song to capture your attention and steer away from the rocks, to guide you back home.
iAmHappy
I am happy.
And it's just an understatement. Deep inside there is something, a small piece of me, that I am happy. I was tested by time, and chances. I was tested by my alter ego. I had gone through difficult time. But thankfully, I can say that I'm over it, and I am now happy.
So happy, that I can't ask for more. I can smile, I can sing a song, I can be who I am. I'm happy even if I don't have someone this holidays. I think it's the best gift of all. And that makes me happy.
Thank you Lord, for the gift of happiness. I love you.
And it's just an understatement. Deep inside there is something, a small piece of me, that I am happy. I was tested by time, and chances. I was tested by my alter ego. I had gone through difficult time. But thankfully, I can say that I'm over it, and I am now happy.
So happy, that I can't ask for more. I can smile, I can sing a song, I can be who I am. I'm happy even if I don't have someone this holidays. I think it's the best gift of all. And that makes me happy.
Thank you Lord, for the gift of happiness. I love you.
Saturday, December 07, 2013
unwell
it's been awhile since i had my last post. but until now, i am almost well, but not fully recovered. hope one of this days, i can put some of my adventures lately. till then and so long...
i miss you.
i miss you.
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