Don't Say You Love Me

Recently, this is the song I am singing...

I've seen this place a thousand times
I've felt this all before
And every time you call
I've waited there as though you might not call at all

I know this face I'm wearing now
I've seen this in my eyes
And though it feels so great, I'm still afraid
That you'll be leaving anytime

We've done this once and then you closed the door
Don't let me fall again for nothing more

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away

I've caught myself smiling alone
Just thinkin' of your voice
And dreamin' of your touch is all too much
You know I don't have any choice

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
(Make it real)

Yeah yeah yeah

We've done this once and then you closed the door
Don't let me fall again for nothing more

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
(Make it real)

Say you love me
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
Take it all away, take it all away

Make it real or take it all away
(Make it real)
(Take it all away)

I'll take it all away

Backseat

         Lately, I have been seating at the backseat every time I ride a motor cab.  It happens when the cab would stop away from me  and I have no choice but to climb at the back, or the front seats are already full. I kindda enjoy the ride and thankfully, just like the all the rides, I arrived in my destination safely. I was told that when you're in a cab the safest place is to seat at the back of the driver because when accident happens, there is a tendency that the driver would keep himself safe. I believe on that. 

         For the past few years, I have taken a backseat of my life in the limelight to work on things that really matters to me, and I have never been so happy and at home in my life. It is the best decision that I ever have, spending more time with my mom who is so dear to me, and of course my old folks from my beautiful hometown. Far from the chaotic urban life, sometimes I can feel the mere silence, but indeed there's no place like home.

          Everything has change. I am working as a teacher in our secondary school, and since I started they always trust me take care of the different cultural programs, specially our miss high school, to me. I am so happy for their confidence on me, specially that pageants are my frustrations in life, and being the event coordinator would mean a lot to me. So I give my all, and work on it with so much passion and dedication. And I'm the happiest whenever I see  the show as a success. It's like being crown also. 

         Working at the backstage, more like a backseat, is really a very fulfilling and rewarding job. And I could not ask for more. I am so happy. I am home.

Puta

I hate you...

Wala kay ulaw, abi kay wala ka dire permi, mag dinalo ka. Butboton kang dako, sigeg deny kun unsay naa nimu. Mawala pa unta na.

I hate you...

Wala ko nimu tabangi dire. You acted like you know everything. Pero wala man lage kay insaktong gihatag. Imu ra gihatag kun unsa imu gikaon.

I hate  you...

Wala kay ayu, wala kay respetar naku. Mura kag kinsang maayuha. Wala pa gani ka nakab-ot. Dominante ka. Mura gyud ka ug bright. You were hanging by a thread.

I hate you...

Ug maayu ra unta ug mawala na ka. Kay wala man pud kay pulos. Wala kay ayu. 

I ran my hands through his legs. His skin was warm and inviting, asking for more. I stripped him of his shirt, felt the toughness of his chest. Our eyes met - his were brown, hungry. My stare went down as he wet his lips. Blood rushed to my head as lust drove in. In a second we were kissing, touching, like wolves craving for meat. The kiss was dizzying, my world was spinning uncontrollably as his tongue played swords with mine. Wet, wild, insatiable. 

I broke away and run my wet lips to his neck, licking, sucking as I go. He moaned and grabbed my hair, willing me to go lower. And I did. I traced my down to the contours of his check, nibbling gently at his nipples. I felt the pressure on my scalp as his grip tightened around my hair. I found my way to his navel and drowned it with my tongue. He let out a groan of pleasure and his fire bolted through me. I suddenly became aware of the wetness between my legs. 

He pushed my head lower, almost begging. I felt him, he was hard, excited, as blood rushed through his skin. He found my lips again as I started unzipping his pants. He cupped me as he kicked his trousers out of the way.

Delusion

      I grew up in a house where I was made to believe that Santa lives in North Pole. I grew up believing that if I jump during New Year, I will grow tall. I grew up knowing that when I wish upon a star, my dreams will come true. I grew up invincible. I grew up strong. Little things could shake me. I can face anything and everything.

      That was once upon a time. That was the time of fairytales. That was the time that I am still innocent about so many things…

        But then, one way or another, all of us will have to lose that innocence. And I’m one of those who lost mine too late and trying to cope with so much because I can’t seem to reconcile reality with fantasy.

Until now, I talk with imaginary friends, fight with imaginary enemies, and live in a make-believe world. I delude myself into believing that friends can be true or that love is always something that is given freely and unconditionally.

       But time and again, I wake up into reality and face the demons that haunt my every waking hour. I tell myself I can face it. I can be strong like in my secret world. That I can be who I want to be. However, reality is reality. I will never become wonder woman, Mother Theresa, Oprah, Queen Elizabeth, Cory, Imelda, Charlotte, Lolita, or any other heroine or villainess.

      There are so many things that make my knees shake uncontrollably. There are so many things that make me want to lose myself in my make believe world. Because in reality, I am nothing. I can never be.

Footprints on the Clouds

He calls me his serenity
and I call him my strength
and we are each
the one thing
the other needs the most
two lesser angels
each with one wing
missing
bound to the earth

both rich with reason,
with rhythm,
we never noticed
what was missing,
we weren’t looking
for completion,
except maybe
a little more peace
for him and
a little less fear
for me

a respite from voices
at night, after
he’s driven his demons
back behind
the wrought-iron fence
of his inner sanctum,
some silence with which
to clean his wounds

a greater courage
to flee the Purgatory
of inertia, with its
mute, stoic ghouls
that rob my decisions
and dog my footsteps
in broad daylight,
a firmer step when
I walk away from the vice
of too-bruised goodbyes

we’d look in the mirror
and we were alone
save for the one wing
that needed meaning

there was no gaping hole
to fill, only flaws
in our character to work on

caught up in our lives,
our lives brought us together
our lives are our message
to each other
and we are now called
by the names
of our better reflections
when,
joined at the soul,
we can finally take to the sky..

Closed

I’m letting go of all the things
that are beyond my reach
I’m setting free all the people
whose hearts were never mine
I’m walking away
from all the places I’ve never been
and only dreamed about.

It’s closing time.

Life has no reset option
and five hundred meters of correction tape
or even a click of the “delete account” button
will not undo anything I’ve done
but I have a dream of being obscure
I have a wish of retreating behind
the opacity of multitudes
so while there’s still a chance for me
so I will.

I’m closing shop.

-from Beautiful Fever

Miss Silliman 2013

        Congratulations to the new Miss Silliman 2013 and her court. Miss Greenette Gael M. Tuazon from the college of Mass Communication was crowned as the new Miss Silliman 2013 by her predecessor, Lissa Duch, Miss Silliman 2012. Miss Iva D. Cabading from the College of Performing and Visual Arts is First Runner-Up, and Miss Lalaine K. Iligan from the College of Business Administration is Second Runner-Up. 

        The new Miss Silliman was crowned last August 23, 2013 in the Lamberto Macias Sports Complex. There were twelve beautiful Sillimanians who vied for the title. The other nine(9) candidates were Stephanie Dawn V. Barluado (Medical School), Hana Isobel C. Ferrer (College of Nursing), Laura L. Coosemans (Institute of Clinical Laboratory ScienceS), Natalie Dale A. Portugaleza (College of Education), Stephanie Jane C. Abila (Institute of Rehabilitative Sciences), Krizza Mae Batulan (School of Public Affairs and Governance), Maria Fatima Saudia D. Alsowyed (College of Arts and Sciences), May Rachel J. Uy (College of Law).

            Happy 112th Founder's Day Silliman University, my alma mater.

- photos courtesy of su.edu.ph and Denniz Futalan

DLANHS 45th Founder's Day

        August is the busiest for me because it is the month that we celebrate the Founder's Day of Demetrio L. Alviola National High School, my alma mater and the school where I am working right now. Just like the Founder's Day for the past three years, I am part of the working committee. But the big difference is that this year, I was appointed as the Over-all Chairman of the said activity since I was designated as the Cultural Coordinator of the school. It was very challenging in my part because for the previous years, I was only directing and managing the Miss DLANHS beauty pageant, but now, I am in-charged to everything. As in every single thing. The good thing about it, which I am very grateful of, is that most of the teachers cooperated, and is willing to help for such a big event. It was a big learning for me, it taught me to be humble, resilient, deal with a lot of different personalities. I have to say I have a lot to learn about, and I learned that a lifetime is not enough to everything in life.

          My Miss DLANHS 2013 took a higher road this year as it opened with the ladies in their colorful Festival Costume that depicts the nature. It was breathtaking and students went wild as they scream for their favorite candidate, their representative of course, to win the competition. It was epic and fresh to the stage of Miss DLANHS pageant. It was followed with a white collection that makes the ladies more classy and phenomenal. So love the segment, I decided that I will not cut the in the succeeding Miss DLANHS pageant. The talent competition showcases the ladies prowess talent and the gown competition brought elegance among them. I have never been proud for doing this thing like this before. And I'm so grateful for everything that turns things to success... 

Miss DLANHS 2013

It may be already late but I, still, am proud to present my candidates for Miss DLANHS 2013.


Candidate No. 1, Glendale Laurente, representing the Third Year Regular Class.

Candidate No. 2, Jayrilyn Alberto, representing the First Year Regular Class.

Candidate No. 3, Rotea Pospos, representing the Fourth Year Regular Class.

Candidate No. 4, Mary Joy Carollo, representing the Third Year Regular Class.

Candidate No. 5, Cherry Mae Revelegia, representing the Second Year Regular Class.

Candidate No. 6, Dianne Mae Gedorio, representing the First Year Regular Class.

Candidate No. 7, Diana Christine Notarte, representing the Special Science Class.

Candidate No. 8, Che-che Emperado, representing the Fourth Year Regular Class.

Candidate No. 9, Jan Mari Saraum, representing the Third Year Regular Class.

Thank you for giving us a wonderful show. You are all winners to me. Good luck on your future endeavors.

Promises

"Promises are meant to be broken", as they keep on saying.

And that's what I told you as well.

Every time i give it to you, I do everything to prove that saying wrong. And I succeeded. Twas the time that I'm willing to travel the world, exhaust everything in me, just to give you what I promised. And to see you smile makes me think, that everything that I do is all worth it.

But recently, I think I can't do it anymore. Time flies, and everything has changed. Personally, I don't want to do it anymore coz I realized that I will just let myself fall in a deep pit of frustration and disappointment. I will be hurt in the end.

I realized that you have your world, you have your set of friends and people who loves you. You can be happy without me, you don't need me at all.

I was just your pit stop, and you are to me as well...

So if I ignored you lately, that is all because that I decided to love myself more. I'm sorry, you are one great guy, but not mine and cannot be mine at all...

Promises, are not actually meant to be broken, they are just meant for someone who matters to you the most. So if someone gives you one, and he broke it, probably you are not that special to him...

Just my two cents...:-)

Help Me Get Over You

I know that this wound will bleed again
Now I’m here right beside the one I love
I see he’s in love with someone else
Now I know I just got to let him go
Because it’s over, Help me get over

Chorus:
I don’t know what to do
There is no easy way of letting go
But I know there’s no sense
In holding on too much to something fading
Help me, Help me
Help me get over you

Now I see, You’re so happy with her
Deep inside I just don’t know what to feel
Oh, I’m sure, You don’t need me anymore
So I’ll go on, Try my best to just move on
Now that it’s over, I got to get over

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
I know I’ve got to leave it all behind
Somehow I’ll try to get you off my mind
So tell me what to do
Help me get over…

(Repeat Chorus)

Help me get over you…
Hmmmm…

------

my song for this month...

the 8th

Goodbye July,

Welcome August...

It's the 8th month of the year 2013. Five more months and the year will end. For the last eight months, I've been through a lot of experiences, acquired a lot of things, and increased my liabilities... I still don't know my real status, if i'm doing good, excellent, or I am failing. At this point of time, I am clueless. And I cannot think of it right now coz I have a lot of tasks to accomplished. I just entrust it to the Lord coz He's the one who give me all of this in the first place.

I am embracing everything that comes in my life, today. Knowing that whatever happens, I will have an experience to share, and lessons to learn...

Thank you Lord for the gift of LIFE.