The Final Letter

It's been a while since the last time we talked. Well, here i am again reminiscing all those times that we had. Yeah, funny and silly me but the moments we used to spend together feels like just yesterday for me. I could still remember our "kulitan" and "asaran" and you know... I couldn't even forget your sweetest smile.

Many has been said and done. A lot of hello's and goodbyes(though not literally goodbye) that somehow hurt both of us. So many times we struggle just to maintain that "FRIENDSHIP" thing that we had. Those late night kwentuhan about our own problems and dreams kahit minsan thru text message lang.

We were each other's friend, remember?

But as like any other relationship, ours was about to end in due time. You knew that doing this is not an easy one for me. I have done this so many many times but i always failed. Just then I wrote the pain in my heart through this last letter, expressing how much you mean to me and how much I love you... That in my life I have thanked the Lord for you.

Remember the morning when i asked you this "tapos, ano na?" asking you what will happen next after that night that we've been together. Your answer "hindi pa" while nodding your head gives me a litte bit of HOPE then was I able to read the sign of relief. I thought I could gain you back. I thought you wouldn't say goodbye. But that was just that morning, after that you're on your own again forgetting everything that you've said...

and that I couldn't understand...

And it hurts me more leaving me no reasons to stay so i asked you if we can talked again... being so mad that time i know i have said so many things... but you have no idea how that incident tortured the deepest sections of my soul.

I cried that night, I prayed, then cried, then prayed again.

Then the day came we talked again. You asked how I was and I told you I was okay even if I'm not! I could have embarded you with endless questions that i have always kept in my mind... of why and what have I done for you to hurt me this bad? I knew in some point I have hurt you by the things that I've said...

And now, all I can do is to manage myself to help you out by putting an end to your confusions, even when it hurts so bad. I have to let you go! You can finally be free without having to worry about me. It was so hard not to beg you to stay but I have to tell you, so many time i want to cut all the strings left between us. I know I need time to heal. I love you so much eventhough this would mean letting you go. You told me you're sorry many many times...

but please-no apologies. No regrets.

Honestly, I'm so far from getting over. My heart is still mending, my soul is still healing. I am trying to be happy quietly inspite of my grief. The hardest part of letting you go is learning how to reprogram my life without you, to plan a new life on my own. But inside me, honestly, I never felt any bitterness towards you. I had the rich experience of loving and being loved. Maybe I owe you the chance to find out what it meant having a new relationship, and in all your life, I should be happy for you.

Now i know, loving when it hurts is one of the greatest experiences one may ever have during this lifetime. Everything that happens in our lives is a calling from God. There is always a reason in everything. During the most difficult times, God works on us to strengthen us, to make us better persons. There is nothing crooked that He cannot straighten. There is no mistake that He cannot forgive. There is no life that He cannot change. All of us are plans in the process of pain that sometimes seem unbearable but God never fails to give us the courage to go through with it.

It's true, life is too short. We must not waste it in tears and misery. We should be happy no matter how many times we fall.

God will always give us the fresh start in finding the right person, the right way, and the right relationship...

I don't wanna say goodbye anymore 'coz i have said that to YOU for so many times already...

You in the End...

the worst thing that could happen while you were sleeping...

it's when all you want is PEACE of MIND...

then suddenly you had a dream...
but the dream is about...the person who always makes you cry!!!

Things I Wanna Do With You

I want to watch the rain with you. I want to cuddle on the couch with a blanket, a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, and you. We’ll open the window a little bit so that the smell of rain can come in, but I won’t be cold. With your arms around me, I’ll be in the safest place I’ve ever been, surrounded by your strength. It’s the only home I’ll ever need.

I want to go camping on the beach, on an island that we can have to ourselves. We’ll put up a tent and wake up early enough to catch the sunrise, and run on sand untouched by any other feet. At night, we’ll light a fire and watch the stars and the fireflies, but it’ll be the hardest thing in the world to think of wishes. What more can I ask for? You’re more than I ever dreamed I could have.

I want to walk with you, too, to everywhere and nowhere in particular. City sidewalks, lamp-lit boulevards, and long-forgotten trails — we’ll explore them together. We’ll duck into old secondhand book stores, try new cafes, or have a picnic under the trees. But the best part of these adventures won’t be how far we went, but the steps we took closer to each other. I’ll never get tired of discovering the man who won my heart.

But mostly, I just want to be with you. To hear you promise your love and trust that you mean it. To confess how I need you and know that vulnerability is okay. To look at you and see you looking at me and know that you’re thinking: “Wow. We really get to spend our lives together.” I’ll be thinking it, too. Because after all the false starts, babe, after all the wrong turns that broke my heart… I still believe you’ll come. I still believe you’ll find me.

- Evenstarlight

Jo Yabut

He's witty, he's smart, he's innovative, he's a good marketer...

He's handsome, he's classy, he's well-bred, he's an excellent leader...

He is indeed everything...

Everything but mine...:-)

Jonathan Allen Yabut, the first Apprentice Asia grand winner.

Short Messages

After ignoring him completely for a little over a month, he still keeps on sending me messages, giving me calls sometimes. I almost wanted to reply, but I choose not to. I want to forget him. He have his own world, and I can never be part of it, deeply. So, so long Mark. I will miss you.

Here are few of his messages that tickles me lately.:)
___________________________________________

@10:16pm, 7/31
       .!.Good Night!:)
       GOD BLESS

@6:45pm, 7/31
       .!.Good Evening!:)
       GOD BLESS

@8:05pm, 7/27
       Huwaq Monq Pilitinq
       MaqREPLY
       Anq Taonq
       MAHAL MOH..
       .
       .
       .
       .

       Malay MoH,

       BUSY Lanq Siya.

       .

       .

       .

       .

       .

       Sa Taonq Mas

       MAHAL NIYA

       Kesa SAYO.

       Good Evening! :)

@7:06pm, 7/20
       A real partner knows how to
       be LOYAL no matter how
       TEMPTING the world could be.
       :3
       ---


      Good Evening!:)

And my favorite of all..

@10:59pm, 7/17
       Its hard to see someone
       CHANGED, especially when
       you miss the way that person
       TREATS you BEFORE.


       Good Night! :)  
 

Im sorry, I cannot do it anymore... I don't want to, but I shield myself from the hurt... :'(

GM

Good morning...

Miss my baby Mark.

But I just have to forget him.

He can never be mine.:'(

Realization

"I need to let go...

I need to forget...

I can shed bucket of tears over my own mistakes but it will never change anything!"

...i have to stop fooling myself that the universe will conspire so I can have him and he'll learn to love me... because even the universe doesn't think that i deserve that chance...

Random Quotes

throughout all of this confusion i hope i somehow get to you. i practice all the thingsi`d say to tell you how i feel & when i finallyget my chance it all seems so surreal cause from the first time i saw you i only thought about you i didn`t know you i wanted to holdon to the things you`d never say to me

go love someone just be
cause. i know your heart may be badly bruised, or even the victim of numerous knifings; but it will always heal. even if you don’t want it to, it keeps going. there are the most fantastic, beautiful people and things out there to discover, i promise. but it is up to you, and only you, to get out there and find them.

i am not bound to win,
but i am bound to be true.
i am not bound to succeed,
but i am bound to live up to what light i have.
-abraham lincoln

Your Soulmate Isn’t Who You Think It Is

We all have our own romanticized notions of what it will be like when we find true love. How it’ll go. What it’ll feel like. What he or she will look like, sound like, act like. Even kiss like. And every once in a while, we actually meet that person. There they are! In the bar standing next to us! Or down the hall at work! Or in the line at the bookstore! They’re perfect. Everything we imagined. And so we engage. And chase. And pursue. And assume our very best behavior. And fight for a chance at that perfect union we’ve imagined in our heads for so long. And sometimes it works! We get their phone number. And a date! And a second date! And sometimes it even goes a month or two! But then at some point, it runs afoul. What once seemed effortless becomes arduous. The perfect conversations suddenly don’t flow as easily. The shine has worn off the apple. It’s work, now. And who has time for that? And here’s where many a relationship come to an unfortunate end. Because the other person thinks it should only be constant magic. That anything else is merely a false symbol. But we still chase them! We want it back! We think of what we can do to possibly salvage this sinking ship. Should we change ourselves? Adjust our behavior? Change our whole personality? After all: this is love. Surely it’s worth sacrificing for, no?No, I’m here to say. It’s not.

Because there’s a big, horrible idea out there in the world of romance:

That if it’s not hard, it’s not real.

True romance must be earned, we believe. Struggled for. Barely survived.

If it comes easy, it’s wrong. Shallow. Too simple.

We must suffer for love. We must cry with certain regularity. Lose our faith time and time again only to barely regain it again.

I humbly submit that such a belief is the romantic equivalent of 100% grade-A bullshit.

Perhaps it comes from our culture’s puritanical beginnings. The notion that anything great is worth suffering for.

And while I agree that love takes work, patience and forgiveness, I don’t think it should involve perpetual, ongoing damage-control.

If the relationship you’re in takes constant, ongoing acrobatic maneuvers to keep it afloat, then it’s not a relationship; it’s a doomsday project.

Relationships, in general, should be easy.

If they’re taking a ton of work, a ton of the time, something’s wrong.

Chances are either that:

A) One (or both) of you is not a stable enough person to even be in a relationship to begin with, and you need to go off on your own to learn how to keep yourself perfectly happy with nothing more than yourself to sustain you. (And yes, I’ve been this person many times.)

B) One of you has unrealistic expectations of what the other is supposed to provide them on a regular basis. (And yes, I’ve been this person, too.) They think you’re supposed to keep them constantly entertained. Or wined and dined. Or sexually pleasured. Or emotionally rescued. Or financially bailed out.

Neither of which is sustainable.

Which is why I say the following:

Don’t chase the person you can barely hold on to when you’re at the top of your game.

Seek out the person you can be happy with even when you’re having a bad day. Or week. Or month.

Because those days will happen, many, many times over the course of a relationship.

And the person who’s only happy with you when you’re a superhero will not stick around when you finally become a mortal again and need them to be there for you, instead.

So skip the supermodel. The pursuit of own your personal Jessica Alba or David Beckham. It might be heaven for a week or two, but they’d probably dump you as soon as you failed to be the emblem of perfection for more than 2-3 seconds in a row.

That perfect pairing with the Mister or Miss Right we’ve all imagined in our hearts isn’t going to survive the endless ordinary days that real life is fraught with.

The person who’s truly right for you is probably cleverly disguised as the one you work with every day. Or the one who you’ve casually known in your circle of friends for five years. Who has seen you at your best and at your worst. And is still there, a big believer in your immense potential. And is probably an amazing kisser if you’d just give them a chance.

That’s the person it’s going to be genuinely easy with over the long haul.

So the next time you’re looking for the one, don’t look up on some stage or pedestal for some shining realization of your fantasies. Turn around and look behind you. At the person you might have overlooked. The person who is quietly everything you need them to be and more.

You just have to give them a deeper look.

- Mark Radcliffe The Good Men Project

Feelings and Emotions

FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS CHANGE, it doesn't mean that if you don't feel something for each other anymore

THE LOVE IS GONE.


If love were only feelings then there is no such thing as everlasting.

Love can sometimes turn NUMB or even BORING, you just have to be patient cause LOVE ITSELF IS LIFE.

Not all the times you are in for all HAPPINESS.

Sometimes you also have to GIVE IN TO ITS BITTERNESS.

BUT

No matter what, as long as YOU CHOOSE AND DECIDE TO CONTINUE..


IT'LL BE MORE BEAUTIFUL..

Truth of the Matter

I’ve been told — countless of times — to never let go of someone you truly love, because sooner or later, you’d regret your decision of letting them go. But sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do, with no choice, you have to let them walk away because it’s too painful to have them stay any longer. You want them to be happy. You want them to live without complications. So you clench your teeth and pretend to not care, waiting for them to disappear from your life even though your heart’s screaming at you to hold them back.

That’s one of the reason why love hurts so much. But you know that it’s love because you’re willing to put someone’s happiness before your own. Sometimes…you just have to walk away and be the bigger person. You’ll hurt for a while, but knowing that, that person is happy is enough for you to carry on.