Many has been said and done. A lot of hello's and goodbyes(though not literally goodbye) that somehow hurt both of us. So many times we struggle just to maintain that "FRIENDSHIP" thing that we had. Those late night kwentuhan about our own problems and dreams kahit minsan thru text message lang.
We were each other's friend, remember?
But as like any other relationship, ours was about to end in due time. You knew that doing this is not an easy one for me. I have done this so many many times but i always failed. Just then I wrote the pain in my heart through this last letter, expressing how much you mean to me and how much I love you... That in my life I have thanked the Lord for you.
Remember the morning when i asked you this "tapos, ano na?" asking you what will happen next after that night that we've been together. Your answer "hindi pa" while nodding your head gives me a litte bit of HOPE then was I able to read the sign of relief. I thought I could gain you back. I thought you wouldn't say goodbye. But that was just that morning, after that you're on your own again forgetting everything that you've said...
and that I couldn't understand...
And it hurts me more leaving me no reasons to stay so i asked you if we can talked again... being so mad that time i know i have said so many things... but you have no idea how that incident tortured the deepest sections of my soul.
I cried that night, I prayed, then cried, then prayed again.
Then the day came we talked again. You asked how I was and I told you I was okay even if I'm not! I could have embarded you with endless questions that i have always kept in my mind... of why and what have I done for you to hurt me this bad? I knew in some point I have hurt you by the things that I've said...
And now, all I can do is to manage myself to help you out by putting an end to your confusions, even when it hurts so bad. I have to let you go! You can finally be free without having to worry about me. It was so hard not to beg you to stay but I have to tell you, so many time i want to cut all the strings left between us. I know I need time to heal. I love you so much eventhough this would mean letting you go. You told me you're sorry many many times...
but please-no apologies. No regrets.
Honestly, I'm so far from getting over. My heart is still mending, my soul is still healing. I am trying to be happy quietly inspite of my grief. The hardest part of letting you go is learning how to reprogram my life without you, to plan a new life on my own. But inside me, honestly, I never felt any bitterness towards you. I had the rich experience of loving and being loved. Maybe I owe you the chance to find out what it meant having a new relationship, and in all your life, I should be happy for you.
Now i know, loving when it hurts is one of the greatest experiences one may ever have during this lifetime. Everything that happens in our lives is a calling from God. There is always a reason in everything. During the most difficult times, God works on us to strengthen us, to make us better persons. There is nothing crooked that He cannot straighten. There is no mistake that He cannot forgive. There is no life that He cannot change. All of us are plans in the process of pain that sometimes seem unbearable but God never fails to give us the courage to go through with it.
It's true, life is too short. We must not waste it in tears and misery. We should be happy no matter how many times we fall.
God will always give us the fresh start in finding the right person, the right way, and the right relationship...
I don't wanna say goodbye anymore 'coz i have said that to YOU for so many times already...
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