Jared - Yesterday in Silliman U.

sometimes, hearts can be stubborn. you don't want to fall yet you do. you don't want to cry but you break. you don't want to change but you will.

we were both college freshmen then, trying to find our niche in the jungles of the university. i felt very lucky to have found such a good friend like him so soon - someone i could count on, thoughtful and reassuring. like that night at the freshman party, when i told him about how high school was for me. i guess he sensed my sadness. he looked at me and told me not to worry, because now i can begin to forget the past. this was college, where i have a new life with new friends. and most of all, i had him. at that moment, in his arms, i never felt more secure and protected.

he was the perfect gentleman, always looking out for me. the little things were the nicest. there was one time when i wasn't feeling well, all the others went ahead to go home after class but not him. he stayed behind for hours just to look after me. he was my official bodyguard. not that i couldn't take care of myself, but he insisted on being there all the time. like that incident when we were caught in the rain very late in the evening. he had fever then but he was still adamant that he hold an umbrella for me. i refused his offer, of course, it was too much. he ought to think of himself, too. but when i looked back, he was there behind me, dripping in the rain, umbrella at his side, pouting like a kid.

this guy was really sensitive.

too sensitive, perhaps. a lot of times, we would be joking around and suddenly he'd be quiet. he'd avoid me and not talk to me for days, which used to make me go crazy! i just wished he'd tell me what was wrong right away. too bad that wasn't his style. i remember an afternoon right before our exam in Philosophy. he had been avoiding me for weeks, so i was surprised when he came and sat by my side. i closed my book and looked up at him.

"may problema ka ba?" he asked gently.

this time, i chose to be honest. "ikaw."

he smiled a little and looked down. apparently he noticed our silent war was taking its toll on me. we talked things over and everything was back to normal. but not for long.

the thing was, he began to fall for me - a situation we tried to avoid from the start. it was foolishness and he knew it. there was already a girl in his life and i had absolutely no intention of coming between them. but as much as we tried to prevent things from getting out of hand, they eventually did. i liked him, too - that much i will say. i knew these kinds of complications would threaten our friendship, and i didn't want to lose him that way. it wasn't worth it.

but all that is wishful thinking. i cannot even describe it as it now seems like a blur. things happened. we started having to avoiding each other for a whirlwind of reasons. he hurt me, and i guess i hurt him. it was painful and awkward, seeing him but having to pretend he wasn't there. sometimes, we'd try to get the friendship back but it just wouldn't last. the strain was undeniable. one day, without so much ceremony, without ever saying a proper goodbye, we parted ways for good.

five years later, here we are.

last night, i bumped into him unexpectedly on my way to a gathering. when he saw me, his face lit up and he quickly went over. to be able to see each other after so long was precious. he was the boy i once knew all over again, a restrained happiness in his smiling eyes.

"congratulations!" i extended a hand in greeting.

he was a bit surprised. "how did you know?"

i gave him a wink. "i heard about the baby. is your wife with you?"

he shook his head. "i just came from work. what a coincidence to see you! how have you been?"

just like that...

two old friends meeting together - older, wiser, hopefully more mature. one of these days, we'll probably sit down and talk over coffee. i've always dreamt of that moment. we'd reminisce, and just laugh at ourselves for all the silly things, all the petty arguments. no more hurting. no more bitterness. just charge everything to experience. and after so many years, we'll be able to have closure. finally.

yes, hearts can be stubborn... but they can also learn.