Fully-Booked

Sitting here, sorting out my thoughts. I don’t know where to begin. Because I don’t which point is the start.

I have looked at you from afar for a long time. I wondered on and off, through the years, how would it be like to be with you.

There was a time I had a chance to find out but you didn’t even look at me. But you chose my friend, so it was alright with me.

I watched you together, heard stories through her. I have lived at your periphery. And I thought, it’s a good life with you.

Then another chance came. My friend, she left you. And since she knows how I feel about you, and that I have always wondered, she asked me if I’m interested. What to say but yes.

After all, I was at the point in my life I had to make changes. How could I say no to doing that and being with you?

My circumstances were unusual, though. I knew it would be temporary. I have decided on that when we spoke. And it’s also, in effect, what you have offered.

So now we’re together. But my heart, though it feels rooted with you, sometimes, already longs to flee. What I dreamt I would feel with you, didn’t materialize.

And I wonder if I feel this way because I knew this would be short-lived. Did I hold myself back? Or you were just short of my dreams of you? I feel like an outsider. Like I'm in on it but not.

It’s a month today. And I already have one foot out the door. Let’s give it another month or so, shall we? Then I will decide if I will walk away then or 3 more months after. That is, if you don’t decide you want me out sooner.

May I start by saying goodbye now, Fully Booked? It was okay, but my other dream means more to me