Time was at its fastest pace and the rationality of things was simply so hard to believe.
He was as simple as a good man. With his broad, hard shoulders and beautiful, mysterious eyes, he has proven to me that love at first sight is true.
Yet, he is bound to leave me anyway.
In that dream, when we met, I couldn’t think of anything else but my hungry, retaliating stomach, because of a long day’s work. But that hunger quickly subsided when our eyes met. Some kind of chemistry… I really don’t know… That disgusting feeling running through my veins and that electricity creeping up my spine. But as minutes ticked by, the more I was convinced that I was in love with him. Ironically, an automatic background music played, “I Knew I Loved You”, as I imagined myself leaning on his chest, feeling his breath close to mine… Yuck. What the hell was I thinking? Nothing can suffice my sudden mushy mood. But, I just couldn’t deny that what I felt was for real. This time, I was falling for good: for a man whom I just met coincidentally, and whom I’m not even sure exists.
The dream was so true. “Get a grip, Rae. Didn’t your grade school teachers taught you never talk to strangers? Well, at far more stupid of you, not to actually fall in love with them?” Nothing seemed to matter during those few spared moments, I guess. He launched in to my unawareness and gullibility. He spoke indirectly and drew himself closer to me. He noticed me shivering and avoiding his glances. “O God, is this really happening?” He inched even closer and my heart went into a thousand countable somersaults in my chest. After a few deep breaths, he commented about things and started up an indirect conversation with me. When he was sure enough that he caught my attention, he asked me my name and the rest was history.
The next thing I knew was his lips pressed firmly against mine. His rough yet contented hands rested on my lap and he eagerly caressed me with his affection. His whispers were unheard to the others yet were so clear and adequate for me. All we ever needed was a few minutes to ourselves, and a dark, solemn place where we can avenge our angst and celebrate our being together. “Funny,” I thought to myself. “But his presence brought me joy and completion. Everything seemed undeniably worth it when he was around.” You could never imagine the millions of ways “it” happened. Crazy. Will it be in anyway “immoral?” I don’t really know… The course was leading on its way as if it had a mind and a heart of its own. I was of no complete control of what was happening. I remembered the way slide projectors came in and out of the screen with a click and a thump. I have no idea what was going on, but one thing was for sure: I was happy. Nothing else could make me feel this way. No one has ever made my heart jump up and down to my ankles, like a rubber thing sliding wherever vein it liked to take a little trip inside. I’ve never considered dreams being this complex but so “warm.”
And every morning, as I open my eyes to a sun that’s waiting me to get up and get a hold of myself, the man I think I’m in love with just FADES. Like clouds. He only stays with me for several hours during my sleep. My dreams of that man… Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable. My forehead wrinkles whenever I try hard to substantiate a distinct face that would suit the descriptions of that “man.” Somehow, I know I have come across that man, who gave me great joys only during my nocturnal moments, somewhere. I know I’ve seen that face before… Maybe in school… Maybe in the streets… I know he exists. Somewhere. I’ve never given such a damn for love before. Falling in love in a dream? Am I this desperate? Imagining a man whom I think could fulfill my loneliness, hunger for love, and abyss? Am I losing my sanity for love? Have I gone mad? Am I actually going nuts? Why me of all people? Yet the dreams still continue. Every night, he visits me and goes on showing me how great it is to have someone embrace you, and kiss you no matter how fine or tough things are. He goes on, thru my dreams and unconsciousness, touching and feeling me all through. He sets my nights ablaze. He runs me down so deeply. Yet I don’t even know who he is. Oh God, I know just what I need… I need to be loved…
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