A New Direction

And I'm referring to my latest assignment, my first for 2013, and that is to collaborate with one of my fellow teachers, Ma'am Naids Jaculbe and direct the 2013 edition of our school's Junior-Senior Promenade. This is my second time to do so, and unlike the first one, I can give inputs to the best that I can this time. What excites me the most is the fact that a few of my "apple of the eye" will be joining this year, so it should be something special... :-) Hahahaha, actually in everything that I do, I always give my 101%, it's just this one is special, so it has to be extra perfect, if you know what I mean...

With a little over a month of preparation, I started selecting my background music. I am thinking of having an upbeat music for the candle and rose ceremony to keep the students alive while doing it... So I browse the web and come across with a very good musician(violinist) Nick Kwas, who plays the some of the latest RnB in violin. I might be using some of them, like the one below. Obviously, I fallen for Nick the first time I saw him in youtube. He's very cute, and very talented. Most of his music is played by just listening, not listening a single music sheet. Very impressive... And did I mention, he is so cute... gosh, I will never get tired listening to him... Here's one of his music.

Love

“Believe it or not, I do not want to indulge myself on love.”

Hah! Such strong statement there, eh?!

Of course, I have my own reasons why I have that statement in mind. As I may have written in one of my entries, I have my share of love stories in the past. And mine were not the “ideal” kind of relationships a simple girl would/could ever dream of. My stories are rather exceptional and are known only to people who are very close to me. So, if you have a crystal clear idea of what I am trying to say here, well then,close friends tayo!

For me, love is a not a game to be played. Love is and always will be a serious thing. Love is such a strong word. People would rarely hear me say those 3 divine words. And when I say them, it only means one thing… I am dead serious of what I feel.

Love entails a lot of things. Happiness. Companionship. Acceptance. Commitment. Responsibility. Sacrifice. It gives a person a sense of belongingness. It allows a person to do things unexpectedly and lets that person do things unselfishly. Love gives an unexplainable feeling of sensation.

Love has its drawbacks though. Pain. Hurt. Resentment. Heartache. Most of the time, it leaves a person devastated. Sometimes, it makes a person feel so low, wasted and so damn worthless. But these things actually make love more valuable and make a person stronger. Somehow, these drawbacks turn a person to be an expert on love and makes people understand love a little bit more… in a hard way though.

But how ever which way we think about it, love is such a wonderful thing.

Being involved with someone without love is such a useless feeling. Yes, I have tried this once some years back and it’s not a nice feeling. I only felt emptiness. It was just a waste of time… such a waste of my precious time! And I promised myself to never do that again… not in this lifetime. Anyhow, it’s also good to have experienced such thing. It further confirmed my thoughts and ideas on love.

I don’t want to indulge myself on love simply because I don’t want to play with my emotions. I don’t want to put my heart on the line. Yes, I’m no risk taker. I want to stay in my comfort zone. I want to keep myself intact first before I enter the complicated world called love. Because when I fall in love, I just don’t give my heart to certain person… I give my whole being. I give him my present and my future. I give him all of me.

Maybe, just maybe, I’m overly careful not to experience those negative things love brings. I’m too darn afraid to feel pain, suffering, resentment and heartbreak. But despite this I-really-don’t-want-to-indulge-myself-on-love mindset, my heart is in fact open for a new love… IT ALWAYS IS.

- by Winkie's

A thought from the heart

I tried to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I didn't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out, and tell you how I feel - like how I miss you, how I love you, and how I need you in my life. But those words may forever stay in my heart, locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside your too, but i'll never know. And you will never know that you are my world...

What Life is All About

LIFE isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the colour of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that.

But LIFE is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about TRUST, HAPPINESS, and COMPASSION. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with LOVE. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. 

These choices are what life's about. --from Nike Ad

Bittersweet Truth About You

I often ask myself why I'm so into you. But it would just turn out that I haven't got a single clue. 

I start everyday, not with a prayer, but with a vow that I'll avoid you. But I end up avoiding the shadow of my own conscience coz for the nth time now, I failed to evade you. 

You were there when I woke up. You were there when I slept. You were there when I closed my eyes to take a nap on my breaks. You were there when the rain fell on me and got my face all wet. 

Sometimes I blame you for haunting me but I wake up to the truth that there's no one here but me. Then I know I'd be hurting myself once more coz I can't bear a moment without any YOU in my horizon. 

It's such a sweet torment on my part and though the pain is piling in, there's no way I could just walk out. 

Your words come into my head and I couldn't knock even some little sense in it once you begin your attack. One mintue I'm mad at you then after a serene conversation, I realize that you have painted yet another minute smile in my weary visage. 

Another split second passes me by and another batch of cascades escape from my core. It is not an easy task to forgive and then forget you. It never was and never will it be. 

I try to run away from your oblivion and make you believe that I am here– no bigger than an ant– wanting you to feel even just a little emotion, in return for the enormous sentiment I am keeping inside me. Man is indeed a hypocrite when he said that in loving, there is never a need of getting something in return. Because in my case, that is the biggest lie. 

Can you see me? I am here. Eternally feeling for you– falling for you. can you not sympathize to my lowly being and offer me even the littles compassion you can bestow? 

Tonight, I shall end the day with another setting of sun. I shall sleep in a bed of thorns and bleed in the agony of my creation. I shall close my eyes and revere in the mystique of your lair. For tonight, like every other night where I lay to rest my somnolent soul, I shall see your face amidst the dark and succumb to the immortal vision of you and me, breathing one air, under one skyuntil I tirew my heart to satisfaction. 

Come tomorrow, I shall wake up to see a brand new day and start it, not with a prayer, but with a vow that I'll avoid you. And once again, find myself asleep to dream of you.

.:: beginning today ::.

Beginning today i will no longer worry about yesterday... it is in the past and the past will never change... only i can change by choosing to do so...

Beginning today i will no longer worry about tomorrow... tomorrow will always be there, waiting for me to make the most of it.. i cannot make the most of tomorrow without first making the most of today...

Beginning today i will look in the mirror and i will see a person worthy of my respect and admiration... this capable person looking back at me is someone i enjoy spending time with and someone i would like to get to know better...

Beginning today i will cherish each moment of my life... i value the gift bestowed upon me in this world and i will unselfishly share this gift with others...

Beginning today i will make a moment to step off the beaten path and to revel in the mysteries i encounter... i will face challenges with courage and determination... i will overcome what barriers there maybe which hinder my quest for growth and self improvement.

Beginning today i will take the life one day at a time, one step at a time... discouragement will not be allowed to taint my positive self-image, my desire to suceed or my capacity to love...

Beginning today i walk with renewed faith in human kindness... regardless of what has gone before... i believe there is hope for a brighter and better future...

Beginning today i will open my mind and my heart... i will welcome new experiences... i will meet new people... i will not expect perfection form myself nor anyone else: perfection does not exist in an imperfect world... but i will applaud the attempt to overcome human foibles...

Beginning today i am responsible for my own happiness and i will do things that make me happy... admire the beautiful wonders of nature, listen to my favorite music, pet a puppy, soak in a bubble bath... PLEASURE, can be found in the most simple of gestures...

Beginning today i will learn something new; i will try something different; i will savour all the variou flavors life has to offer... i will change what i can and the rest i will let go...

"i will strive to become the best me i can possibly be..."

On Love and Commitment

The most important, most critical component in successful loving is commitment. Not love. It's easy to love without commitment. People do it all the time. Easy to love, to give of oneself for a while. But commitment implies bonding in such a way that one promises to keep the fires of love burning indefinitely. It also means shutting one's heart to the possibility of loving another who might even be more attractive, even more lovable. Not easy. This is why solid commitments are not at all as common as we are led to believe. In fact, more often than not, I think that the commitment two lovers make are not equal. What I mean is that the commitment of one might be a whole lot more or a whole lot less than the partner's.

We see it all the time. One loves more than the other and is more committed than the other. It is false to believe that two lovers love each other to the same degree. We have often seen lopsided love relationships where one partner is giving so much more to the relationship than the other. But writers and poets seem to always indicate that love isn't just a two-way street, but an equal two-way street. That hardly ever happens. It is impossible to determine exactly how much a man loves a woman or how much a woman cares for a man. Love cannot be measured and that can be a huge problem. You can love someone and tell him "I love you" and you're telling the truth. But how much do you love him? Enough to let him court you? Enough to marry him? Enough to die for him?

The greatest test of true love is commitment. And the greatest indicator of deep love is deep commitment. There can be no doubting this. I have heard people say all the right words, make all the right moves and pledge undying love, only to walk away weeks or months later. Were they in love? Sure they were. But not enough to allow them to hold strong in their love. Not enough to keep a commitment regardless of the pain. A lover gets this sinking feeling when there is a sense that one is more committed than the other. When one is giving a lot more than one is receiving. When one's love is a lot more solid than the creaky love of the partner. When a couple believes strongly that their commitment to each other is rock solid, there is a deep sense of security, a feeling that it's OK to give all because the gift of yourself is safe in the hands of the beloved.

If, however, there is doubt or, even worse, the conviction that one is engaged in one-way giving, in a one-way commitment that is lopsided, then there is a tendency to pull back and not give as much. And when that happens, love begins to fade. In the countless counseling sessions I have had with troubled couples over the years, there has always been the problem of a failing commitment on the part of at least one of the partners. Unless there is the raising of the level of commitment, the relationship is doomed. It's finished. Sooner or later the stress will take their toll and the relationship will begin to fall apart. On the other hand, look carefully at lovers who are still very much in love after 20, 25 years. Their commitment to each other cannot be shaken. Neither can their love.