Promise to Self

that i will follow my heart
even when it doesn't make sense
that i will stop
when the run is done
that i will be soft
when the situation needs it
that i will be tough
when i need to fight
that i will dance or sing
when i feel like it
that i will love
even when it may become painful
that i will share myself
when someone wants to know me
that i will let go
when leaving is necessary

cos you came

funny
that things changed
because
you came along

days
almost unbearable
became
days anticipated

balm
to a frazzled heart
beaten
by a harsh life

dark
lenses to see
replaced
with rosy ones

arms
wrapped around
home
to me

Bye

Sitting here, sorting out my thoughts. I don’t know where to begin. Because I don’t which point is the start.

I have looked at you from afar for a long time. I wondered on and off, through the years, how would it be like to be with you.

There was a time I had a chance to find out but you didn’t even look at me. But you chose my friend, so it was alright with me.

I watched you together, heard stories through her. I have lived at your periphery. And I thought, it’s a good life with you.

Then another chance came. My friend, she left you. And since she knows how I feel about you, and that I have always wondered, she asked me if I’m interested. What to say but yes.

After all, I was at the point in my life I had to make changes. How could I say no to doing that and being with you?

My circumstances were unusual, though. I knew it would be temporary. I have decided on that when we spoke. And it’s also, in effect, what you have offered.

So now we’re together. But my heart, though it feels rooted with you, sometimes, already longs to flee. What I dreamt I would feel with you, didn’t materialize.

And I wonder if I feel this way because I knew this would be short-lived. Did I hold myself back? Or you were just short of my dreams of you? I feel like an outsider. Like I'm in on it but not.

It’s a month today. And I already have one foot out the door. Let’s give it another month or so, shall we? Then I will decide if I will walk away then or 3 more months after. That is, if you don’t decide you want me out sooner.

May I start by saying goodbye now, Fully Booked? It was okay, but my other dream means more to me.

Now That You're Gone

If only you could stayed a little longer
If I had known this feeling then I could´ve been much stronger
And the hurt I feel right now would be so far away
Now all the memories tell me I should´ve made you stay

You said we´ll make it last forever
Maybe you could´ve been a little stronger too
Now I know that sometimes promises just fade away
I need you here beside me, it´s just no good to feel this way

Now that you´re gone
I wish you never had to go
Now that you´re gone
This pain I feel inside me just goes on and on
Now I know I need you
And I never should have let you go

I never should have let you go

In love...

It's not that i believe everything happens for a reason. Its just that, I just think some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is.

+The truth about forever.

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Have you ever thought what your life would be like if you didn't have someone? A best friend? Who would you tell your secrets to? A boyfriend? Who could amaze you more? Siblings? Who else would you spend endless hours fighting with? Your teachers? Who else would teach you? Never take anything for granted ; never regret anything that once made you smile. So next time you say you wish you never met them, think again...

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Sometimes, I just sit there and think about stupid stuff ; and everything somehow links to you...

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When you think you've lost it all and the words are harder than the fall, that's when you find yourself and you realize you've gotta do whats best for you...

 

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If you & I were a love story. I don't want it to be a Jack and Rose love. Or a Romeo and Juliet. I want a Noah and Ally love. No matter what happens ; no matter how much you say you hate each other, you make up. There's always going to be that one person you'll never give up on. And they never said it would be easy ; They just promised it would be worth it.

I never feared the unexpected...